[ Can he feel it? The tight clench of fear around his heart, the way it makes his blood freeze and then boil until sweat pricks against the gooseflesh. The way it collapses all at once into a dead certainty that leaves no room for doubt or fear? ]
leaving beacon for a while
[ It's been raining buckets for days and now the storm snarls with thunder. Leaving town now isn't advisable and Riku's wise enough that he wouldn't unless it was important. ]
[ it's instantaneous: the second riku's breath leaves his lungs in a single rush, so too, does dawn's, midway through conversation. he excuses himself almost abruptly, hand coming up to grip the material of his shirt over his chest as he steps away from the church, feels the steady sinking feeling in his stomach turn into a straight drop into darkness. a pervasive cold settles in his skin, in his veins, and he clenches his fists tightly to stop them from shaking. ]
you're going to look for them you're taking me with you
[ two questions in the form of sentences, because he already knows the answer. he clenches his teeth and takes off at a sprint, following his heart to where riku is. ]
But Vanitas insisted, and Riku didn't want to waste time and energy fighting a losing battle. And Dawn...
Riku is torn. Because Dawn is the only person who would understand his decision to go, the drive to protect, but he doesn't want the danger for him. But Kairi and Sora are his friends, too. ]
meet me at the boathouse
[ Where he'll find Riku's throwing most of their canned food into a satchel. It's not the best of preparations, but every minute spent here is one more minute Sora has to get himself in over his head. ]
[ it seems like an entire year ago when sora had took his hand and told him you have friends here with you. he didn't see it then, too caught up in holding on to that boundary that separated what memories were his and what were riku's, too focused on drawing that line in the sand. and now, it's like a slap to his face —
"i'm lucky to have found a good partner!" "you were never alone."
he wonders if it's too late now.
he doesn't stop his pace when he sees riku in the boat house, marching right up to him to grip a fistful of his shirt collar, forcing riku to look at him. something flashes in dawn's eyes, as brief as the lightning outside, and there's a set to his jaw that preludes to protest.
one heartbeat stretches to two and he takes a deep breath — and then sags against riku, fist still clenched in his shirt as his head drops onto his shoulder. ]
[ The dread of losing grips them both, but Riku has already made a decision. All his focus has been poured into this - that he'll go out and search for them, no matter what happens to him.
Because there's a point on the other side of caring, of loving someone so much that all other feelings fall away. A tranquil, steady place where there's no quarter given for doubt or fear, where he accepts what may come, just so that he can buy a minute that buys them an hour. Maybe that hour buys them a year, and that year a lifetime that had been stolen from them. ]
Dawn--
[ The satchel dangles from the hook of two fingers, he's pulled by his own shirt, and the hand fisted in it, but he feels it coming before Dawn sags against him and he understands how much he needs the steadying brace of the arm he puts around the replica's shoulders.
[ he'd never had anything to lose. nothing was his to begin with: his heart, his memories, his body — all of it was fabricated or borrowed, and he'd given all of that up for naminé. he doesn't have anything left to give except for the time he has, this new physical body that is his and isn't; but he'd give it up again if he could, because this is what he knows best, how to break and be broken.
sora had taken his hand that day, and he'd foolishly let it go. ]
I'm going with you. [ he grips riku's back with his free hand, twisting the fabric between his fingers tight enough to leave lasting wrinkles in the material. his eyes burn behind his eyelids and he presses his face harder into riku's shoulder. ] I don't care what you say.
[ because he's two for two now, and if dying is all he's good for, then he may as well do it again for sora. ]
[ Permitting this could doom Dawn along with him. Riku suspects leaving him alone would be a doom more certain, knowing what loneliness does to them both. It's not some insignificant gesture, that Dawn leans into him, that he holds on and holds on tight and says he's coming, leaves him no room to argue.
They keep losing Kairi. No more, if Riku had to guess, that was probably the thought crowding out all the rest, the thing that would spur Sora into recklessly charging off into the dark. That he didn't want to lose her, not again.
Sora so easily insinuates himself into a person's heart, no matter what walls he puts up, whatever he dons as armor to protect the parts of him that are vulnerable. Dawn's not immune to Sora's talent for getting through to a heart, but the darker side of that coin is the fear of losing.
His palm covers over Dawn's nape, a tightening of his fingers is the sort of clasp he hopes is some comfort, then he shifts it to cup one of his shoulders. Riku doesn't bother telling him it'll be okay. ]
Grab whatever you think we'll need. The sooner we leave, the better.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
7 Aug, during the thunderstorm
leaving beacon for a while
[ It's been raining buckets for days and now the storm snarls with thunder. Leaving town now isn't advisable and Riku's wise enough that he wouldn't unless it was important. ]
need a favor
no subject
you're going to look for them
you're taking me with you
[ two questions in the form of sentences, because he already knows the answer. he clenches his teeth and takes off at a sprint, following his heart to where riku is. ]
no subject
[ Dawn knows Riku would rather go alone.
But Vanitas insisted, and Riku didn't want to waste time and energy fighting a losing battle. And Dawn...
Riku is torn. Because Dawn is the only person who would understand his decision to go, the drive to protect, but he doesn't want the danger for him. But Kairi and Sora are his friends, too. ]
meet me at the boathouse
[ Where he'll find Riku's throwing most of their canned food into a satchel. It's not the best of preparations, but every minute spent here is one more minute Sora has to get himself in over his head. ]
no subject
"i'm lucky to have found a good partner!"
"you were never alone."
he wonders if it's too late now.
he doesn't stop his pace when he sees riku in the boat house, marching right up to him to grip a fistful of his shirt collar, forcing riku to look at him. something flashes in dawn's eyes, as brief as the lightning outside, and there's a set to his jaw that preludes to protest.
one heartbeat stretches to two and he takes a deep breath — and then sags against riku, fist still clenched in his shirt as his head drops onto his shoulder. ]
no subject
Because there's a point on the other side of caring, of loving someone so much that all other feelings fall away. A tranquil, steady place where there's no quarter given for doubt or fear, where he accepts what may come, just so that he can buy a minute that buys them an hour. Maybe that hour buys them a year, and that year a lifetime that had been stolen from them. ]
Dawn--
[ The satchel dangles from the hook of two fingers, he's pulled by his own shirt, and the hand fisted in it, but he feels it coming before Dawn sags against him and he understands how much he needs the steadying brace of the arm he puts around the replica's shoulders.
He knows because he would have needed it. ]
We'll find them.
no subject
sora had taken his hand that day, and he'd foolishly let it go. ]
I'm going with you. [ he grips riku's back with his free hand, twisting the fabric between his fingers tight enough to leave lasting wrinkles in the material. his eyes burn behind his eyelids and he presses his face harder into riku's shoulder. ] I don't care what you say.
[ because he's two for two now, and if dying is all he's good for, then he may as well do it again for sora. ]
no subject
They keep losing Kairi. No more, if Riku had to guess, that was probably the thought crowding out all the rest, the thing that would spur Sora into recklessly charging off into the dark. That he didn't want to lose her, not again.
Sora so easily insinuates himself into a person's heart, no matter what walls he puts up, whatever he dons as armor to protect the parts of him that are vulnerable. Dawn's not immune to Sora's talent for getting through to a heart, but the darker side of that coin is the fear of losing.
His palm covers over Dawn's nape, a tightening of his fingers is the sort of clasp he hopes is some comfort, then he shifts it to cup one of his shoulders. Riku doesn't bother telling him it'll be okay. ]
Grab whatever you think we'll need. The sooner we leave, the better.